Sunday, December 11, 2011

More than a Child's Toy (Written October 2011)

How many times do we miss the opportunities, joy, or pleasure from the moment God has us in because we are worrying or being frightened by things to come?  For me, this is daily struggle.  I am not the kind of person that finds it easy to live in the now.  I can see what is coming up before me and some days it seems so huge and daunting and I seem so small and insignificant.  I think if only I could truly internalize and believe in my heart God's words in Matthew 6:34, "So don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today."

God just drilled me in the heart about this today.  Let me tell you how.  I have fallen in love with indoor cycling.  If I could do one thing at the gym for the rest of my life, that would be it.  I don't know why.  I have really been wanting to move that love to the outdoors.  It is fall now and the temperature is comfortable and the scenery beautiful.  I thought it would be nice to go ride on the weekends and not have to be so dependent on a gym.  I have a bike.  I got it two years ago for Christmas.  That was during my non-fitness days and so while I really did want it, I never rode it.  Can you guess what happened to it?  It rusted.  I in my naivete thought that it only would rust if it got wet and since it was in the garage I thought it would be fine.  I was wrong.  Inactivity destroys but that is a whole other subject.  I was recently given a gift to celebrate my fitness-versary and I have been praying and thinking about buying a new bike from a cycle shop.  To help me in this decision, my friend Christy offered to bring her two bikes with her to the Rush and we would go ride them and see what I thought.  I was pumped but more terrified and worried.  Why you may ask, it is only bike riding?  Well, I haven't been on a bike since probably middle school.  I decided to help remedy this by riding my bike around yesterday to get used to it again.  This did not go well.  The seat wouldn't stop tipping me off the bike and I couldn't get going.  It just was a complete failure.  Hannah's level of worry and fear were at about a 9.

So today comes and before I was going bike riding, I had my training session.  It was our first session back in strength so I knew my muscles were in for it.  It was a DISASTER!  I could tell when I was warming up that my head was not right and as much I as tried to pray through it and mentally prepare myself, I couldn't get past my fears of the bike ride.  In the moment I had no idea that was the problem.  See when I freak myself out, I become numb and blank.  I just kinda zone out.  So instead of me being able to pinpoint the problem I just get frustrated about the result.  I have a wonderful trainer who can read me better than any human I have ever encountered (and that is saying something considering some of the people that are my friends and family).  She knew something was up and when I was supposed to be doing pull-ups and I just couldn't get it, she pulled me off and let me do some cardio on the rowing machine to reset myself and then we did a different exercise that worked the same muscle group.  I did finish the day and it was a hard workout but because of my fear of the future and really my pride, I missed what God had for me in that moment.  I missed the joy and pleasure of doing something I can't believe I am doing.  I missed it.

The bike ride started the same way.  I couldn't even get seated on it without tipping one way or the other.  We were going nowhere and I was becoming more and more embarrassed.  Thankfully, Christy is a patient woman and worked on it and I finally got going.  In the beginning I kept driving into things.  If you have ever seen the Frasier episode where he learns to ride a bike, you know what I am talking about.  If you stare at a pole, or a creek, or a manhole cover you are probably going to drive into it.  How many times do we do the same thing in life?  We get so focused on an obstacle we miss that all we have to do is turn the wheel just a bit and go on the path God meant for us to walk and we get past it.  Sometimes we even have to go over the obstacle and we may fall down.  We may fail, but we have to get back on the bike and keep pedaling this journey we are on.   I am so thankful my Jesus loves me even when I fall off the path or when I take a REALLY long time to get back on the bike.  He is so patient.  Romans 2:4 says,"Or do you think lightly of the riches of His kindness and tolerance and patience,not knowing that the kindness of God leads you to repentance?"  He is kind, tolerant, and patient.  So I got back on my bike and I kept riding.  It was a beautiful time outside, with a friend, and just listening to the Spirit.  He brought me to the root of my fear (my pride) and I was able to confess it and move on.  The end of the bike ride showed a ton of progress and I felt at peace about what I had accomplished.

So what are you worrying about right now that is making you miss the moment?  God has a divine plan for your life and every single moment is accounted for.  Don't miss a single one!  IF you do, and we all do, continue on and grasp on to the next one.  Everyday brings it's own trouble but thankfully God's mercies are new every morning.

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