"Each time he said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me." 2 Corinthians 12:9
Thank you Lord for reminding me that almost two years ago you decided to express your power by changing my physical body. I am reminded that I was a fat little girl in a 27 year old body who was barely hanging on and desperate to be anyone but herself. You took my ultimate weakness, the bondage in my life that has been passed on for generations in my family, the thorn in my side, and my most obvious sin and have begun a work in me that I most days cannot comprehend. People compliment me, question me, and praise me and I don't know how to respond because I can't wrap my brain around 120 pounds. I can’t wrap my brain around the physical changes in my body, the changes in my mind and intellect, and the changes in my soul and spirit. How do you explain to people how you take someone who considered themselves nothing but a waste of space and turn me into a woman who is trying ( and failing a lot of the time) to live a life that honors you? How do you explain the independence that is growing inside of a woman who lived her life as a child dependant on others for her happiness?
Father, I look back and I see that you took my ultimate weakness, something that everyone in the world can see and are using it for you. I don’t know what this is going to look like in the coming weeks, months, and years. I know you are calling me to a platform of helping others with the same struggles and I want that desperately. Help me to continue to be open and honest with those who are just seeking for a bit of hope. Don’t let me forget how it felt to weigh 350 pounds and to walk into a gym terrified each and every day because of what I looked like. Teach me how to express the changes you have made. Teach me how to express the changes that no one can see because they are buried within me. Unearth the hidden struggles that still lurk in the darkness of my mind and heart. Don’t let any fear, shame, or regret keep me from the purpose you have for me. Protect me from the ever swirling circumstances of my life and keep my eyes fixed on you.
Father, this journey has not been about me. It isn’t about a number on a scale but it is about people that can be shown your might and your glory. In the end you are the only reason I succeed. You are the only reason that I survive and move on one day at a time. Lord, I am thankful for the past because of the heart that you built inside me. I praise you that in this journey you have brought unexpected lessons. That you have broken my heart for what breaks yours. That you have given me glimpses of your love for humanity. To see the world as broken and searching. To not see myself as more than anyone else but that there is no one good. Lord, my sin is so visible. No one can mistake me for a perfect person. But under your blood I am perfect. I stand in your righteousness Lord and I pray that you always remind me that my sin is not comparable to anyone else. We are all equally guilty in your eyes. It is only your sacrifice that saves us. Father, keep me near your cross. Thank you for what you have done so far in my life and help me trust the penmanship of the future story of my life. Help me to trust your love for me.
“And so, dear brothers and sisters, I plead with you to give your bodies to God because of all he has done for you. Let them be a living and holy sacrifice—the kind he will find acceptable. This is truly the way to worship him.” Romans 12:1